this blog originally appeared at thesagemama.com

As the mother of a boy and two girls, I find it easier to get along with my daughters than my son. I hate saying this and yet it is true. I understand my girls and share similar interests with them. I find my son to be abrasive and rude at times (my judgements ....) and it's not easy being with him. Even with my understanding of Law of Attraction and how our perceptions affect our reality, I haven't been able to shift this (yet).

I often wish for a more peaceful relationship with my son and, until now, that meant wanting him to be different.

My son and I have a very close yet sometimes intense relationship. We are quick to argue and resist each other. My son is my built-in authenticator - if I say something that is not true or authentic for me, he calls me on it. He exposes any faulty thinking or inconsistent values and calls me to have the highest integrity possible ...

My son and his initial needs led me to attachment parenting, homeopathy, different forms of bodywork, energy medicine in general, emotional freedom techniques, family constellations, birth process work, and more. Most of what I've learned in the past 10 years has been somehow prompted by my son.

My son won't go with the flow. Being who he is lead me to consider homeschooling. Being my son's mother, I have had to shatter pre-conceived notions about almost everything I know about parenting and raising children.

this blog originally appeared at thesagemama.com

I returned this week from taking a womb-surround birth process workshop. It was a life-altering experience for me and while I can't explain it all here, I would like to share some of what I learned and how it applies to us as parents.

Our nervous systems are made to cycle in a regular pattern with an up cycle and a down cycle. If we are in a state of overwhelm, we either keep cycling up to a state of overstimulation or keep cycling down to a state of isolation. If we can realize we are on the edge of overwhelm, we can restore ourselves to balance and self-regulate.

"Taking a pause" refers to acknowledging and naming we are on the edge of overwhelm. In the group setting I was in, a person would raise their hand, interrupting whatever was going on, and say "I need a pause". The group would stop, the person would name what was occurring, and then after a few moments of adjustment and settling back in, the group would resume. What this felt like emotionally and physically would be getting agitated, realizing I was getting agitated, announcing a pause, and then just letting my body take its time and calm down. It was remarkable easy to do.

At home, I am practicing the same thing. The only difference is that the children might not stop what they are doing but I go ahead and announce my pause anyways. I pause, regroup and let my body assimilate whatever it's reacting to, and then can rejoin the activity.
What makes pause so profound is that as the parents learn now to self-regulate their nervous systems, the children automatically calm down. We all know the experience of being stressed by something and the children acting more wound up than usual -- we have such a profound influence on our families, that taking a pause can dramatically shift our dynamics.

this blog originally appeared at thesagemama.com

Today we had an another appointment for my 8 year old son. In his limited lifetime he's been to: Speech Therapy, Sensory Integration Therapy, Cranial Sacral Therapists, chiropractors, energy workers, homeopaths, and intuitive healers. That's quite a lot for one little boy. We stopped all those modalities except for homeopathy, energy workers, and intuitive healers. I just couldn't keep up with everything recommended and I didn't think he needs everything the experts recommend.

I'm pretty alternative with our healthcare choices. My son has changed radically using homeopathy, EFT and other energy work. His violent outbursts have subsided, his short sleep cycles and general grumpiness are gone, occasionally popping up to remind me to pay attention to what needs to be cleared.

It's a constant struggle - do I accept that he'll grow into skills that most other kids his age (and younger) have, or do I get him extra help? What help do I get?

After a disastrous visit from my family where the lack of progress in his reading was pointed out to me, I struggled to sort out the difference between my maternal instinct and outside criticism. I realized that while my maternal alarm was sounding, it was misdirected at teaching him to read.