this blog originally appeared at thesagemama.com

 I'm reading a fascinating history of parenting called Parenting for A Peaceful World by Robin Grille, available at the great site www.naturalchild.com. The author describes the evolution of parenting over time in cultures around the world.

The history of parenting is rather brutal, with children once considered non-entities that could be discarded, killed, and used at the parent's whim. He takes us through the different modes of parenting and shows us where we are today.

He sees our collective approach to parenting as evolving and developing, which is good news indeed. He also sees how we collectively parent as the leading force that shapes how we are as a country, whether we perpetrate violence or encourage peace. It's a fascinating read, I don't normally enjoy social-history books, but this caught my attention.

We collectively are in a shift from the socializing mode of parenting to the helping mode of parenting. The socializing mode of parenting tends to see children as good or bad and the goal is to make them productive members of society (which one of the original purposes of compulsory schooling in the U.S.). The parent is concerned with raising a child that fits in and follows the rules and sees herself judged by how well her children do. In the helping mode, the parents are concerned with what the child needs developmentally and recognizes that this will include periods of altruism as well as selfishness. In the socializing mode, selfishness would be seen as a sign that the child is "bad".

this blog originally appeared at thesagemama.com

Today two very important members of our family turn one today. They have grown so much in this past year. One year has seen them transition from nursing to learning to eat solid food; from crying to learning how to express their needs; from being all floppy and uncoordinated to learning how to move their bodies with joy and delight.

I never thought I'd get past the night wakings, they sure seemed to need a lot of night-time attention. Carrying them both at the same time was tricky, especially when they started getting bigger. It was hard leaving them alone during the night but once they got too big to carry, I had to. I knew they had each other. I never thought I'd get them to understand it wasn't okay to eat everything they find on the floors, but I think they get it now.

Everyone thought they were so cute but warned me how hard it would be with two. They aren't identical, they look different, and they have different personalities which is so surprising. One is like her dad, and one is like her mother. They still get jealous of one another andif one is playing with me, then the other one must also come see what we are doing.

When they first arrived, I really despaired that I'd ever make it through the first year. When they kept making messes, I despaired of ever having a clean house. When my husband asked what did I do with them during the day, it was hard to explain - seemed like all I did was clean up. When they would rather play than listen to me, I understood but did wonder how it would ever work.