Comments for EFT with Deborah http://www.eftwithdeborah.com Thu, 15 Dec 2011 21:47:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Family Energetics Article Published by Gary Craig in EFT Newsletter 2010 by Deborah Donndelinger http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/family-energetics-article-published-by-gary-craig-in-eft-newsletter#comment-45 Deborah Donndelinger Thu, 15 Dec 2011 21:47:10 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.info/?p=403#comment-45 I understand completely the issue with "forgiveness" and was pretty sure I hadn't used the word in my article. I was chagrined to find that I did use it once! And the energy behind the tapping I present was definitely about acceptance of the order and being in the right order. I hope that was conveyed properly. I understand completely the issue with “forgiveness” and was pretty sure I hadn’t used the word in my article. I was chagrined to find that I did use it once! And the energy behind the tapping I present was definitely about acceptance of the order and being in the right order. I hope that was conveyed properly.

]]> Comment on Family Energetics Article Published by Gary Craig in EFT Newsletter 2010 by Deborah Donndelinger http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/family-energetics-article-published-by-gary-craig-in-eft-newsletter#comment-44 Deborah Donndelinger Thu, 15 Dec 2011 20:11:23 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.info/?p=403#comment-44 Wow, thank you Gary for a very detailed and grounded explanation. I recently heard of you and that you are well-trained in constellations and that's obvious here - thank you for contributing. When I share my insights with EFT folks on constellations, I strive to always honor the core principles and teachings of Hellinger and at the same time I know that I am a bridge between two worlds and I worry that something will get lost along the way But it's too important to not share .... Thanks again! Wow, thank you Gary for a very detailed and grounded explanation. I recently heard of you and that you are well-trained in constellations and that’s obvious here – thank you for contributing. When I share my insights with EFT folks on constellations, I strive to always honor the core principles and teachings of Hellinger and at the same time I know that I am a bridge between two worlds and I worry that something will get lost along the way But it’s too important to not share ….

Thanks again!

]]> Comment on Family Energetics Article Published by Gary Craig in EFT Newsletter 2010 by gary stuart http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/family-energetics-article-published-by-gary-craig-in-eft-newsletter#comment-43 gary stuart Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:59:23 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.info/?p=403#comment-43 Transcending Forgiveness Through Acceptance Today, many healers, seekers and therapists have jumped on a dysfunctional bandwagon without realizing the systemic consequences at hand. Bert Hellinger, renowned philosopher and developer of Constellation work and Spirit-Mind movements, has reported for many, many years that there is a hidden symmetry and order to love. As a facilitator of this modality, I must concur that I find these bold statements to be very true and will gladly help anyone explore and understand the philosophy and reasoning behind them. As always, let your heart decide what is right for you and your wellbeing. Practicing the "Art of Forgiveness" can be very damaging to the so-called "forgiver" on many levels. This act of superiority may not serve their best interests no matter how well-intentioned. This superior attitude that seeks to be bigger than a perpetrator or any painful situation actually diminishes the effectiveness of release that only acceptance can consciously bring about. The "forgiver' actually perpetuates the pain of victimization in an unhealthful way -- upon themselves and, unconsciously, upon others as well. If the desired goal is to release oneself from pain and suffering in order to heal a deep wound and move beyond an endured atrocity, the very idea of "forgiveness" becomes detrimental to both the Forgiver and the Forgiven. Systemically speaking, we would call this being "too big," arrogant or presumptuous, as it robs the perpetrator of responsibility, whether it was our parents or any other person who has done us perceived "harm." It also disrespects the bigger fate and destiny of our whole ancestral line. In doing so, the "forgiver" attempts to elevate him or herself to the "top" of the whole hierarchical system, as if he or she was the creator of life itself -- showing pity on these poor little subjects under his or her command. In reality, the most recent addition to any larger family system has no right to judge those who came before, as they are the newer members in the larger hierarchical framework known as a family. Sure we all have our opinions and feelings, and these are in no way meant to be negated, but if anyone truly wants to break the cycle of Perpetrator/Victim, "forgiveness" is NOT the way to do it. It is then the Victim who carries both energies, thereby hurting themselves with a heavier load of toxic baggage that enslaves them to the past. ReSOULution There is a way out, however, that is more simple, profound and completely healing, leading to a restoration of love, order and harmony for all concerned. This liberating state of "non-forgiveness" is simply called "ACCEPTANCE." Can we be small enough and humble enough to acknowledge our place in the larger context of a multidimensional generation of forebears from whence we inherited our DNA? We received the Gift of Life through them despite their suffering and turmoil. This dualistic condition in which we are living provides wonder and horror equally. The key is to honor and accept life itself AS IT IS. This action of accepting imperfection (even the living dynamics of catastrophic change) will lead us back to our inner and outer harmony, providing us with dignity and strength. These qualities will only help us accept the gifts and challenges equally that life continually seems to toss in our path. It is the ACCEPTANCE of everything "as it is," from our families to our human history, that releases us all from the chains of the past and points us toward a better tomorrow. Just as the arrogance of "forgiveness" weakens us, the humility of "acceptance" empowers us. It is ours to decide which feels best and does the most good. Always remember, we did not create the cycle of life. We are merely participants, and our day in the Sun lasts for a very short time. This is our chance to enjoy, transform and better ourselves and our children, just as those who came before did for us, whether we know it or not. Taking our rightful place as the smallest member of the family system allows us to evolve into something great. Honor and gratitude, along with ACCEPTANCE, breaks the cycle of slavery to which Forgiveness binds us. Our ACCEPTANCE of life AS IT IS, along with accepting our parents AS THEY ARE and our larger family system AS IT WAS, relieves us of our self-appointed role as judge and jury. To remain neutral without judgments also leads us to accept the good things we inherited more deeply. By letting those who wronged or hurt us own their own Perpetrator/Victim energy, we release ourselves from the entanglement and let the fate and responsibility rest where it belongs -- with them. This isn't about blame or shaming others for the choices they made. It is about honoring our own part in it and the acknowledgement that with acceptance comes release. Life seems to be inherently good, as everyone who shares life has always tried to follow his or her good conscience to the best of their ability. Often such incidents occurred in a place and time pre-dating your own creation and admission into the family system -- and which, on the deepest of levels, was probably agreed to all along. Accepting these simple truths will free you and strengthen your resolve without any need to "FORGIVE." Bow Down in thankfulness & gratitude as you ACCEPT your life as a Gift that was Given. Transcending Forgiveness Through Acceptance
Today, many healers, seekers and therapists have jumped on a dysfunctional bandwagon without realizing the systemic consequences at hand. Bert Hellinger, renowned philosopher and developer of Constellation work and Spirit-Mind movements, has reported for many, many years that there is a hidden symmetry and order to love.
As a facilitator of this modality, I must concur that I find these bold statements to be very true and will gladly help anyone explore and understand the philosophy and reasoning behind them. As always, let your heart decide what is right for you and your wellbeing.
Practicing the “Art of Forgiveness” can be very damaging to the so-called “forgiver” on many levels. This act of superiority may not serve their best interests no matter how well-intentioned. This superior attitude that seeks to be bigger than a perpetrator or any painful situation actually diminishes the effectiveness of release that only acceptance can consciously bring about. The “forgiver’ actually perpetuates the pain of victimization in an unhealthful way — upon themselves and, unconsciously, upon others as well.
If the desired goal is to release oneself from pain and suffering in order to heal a deep wound and move beyond an endured atrocity, the very idea of “forgiveness” becomes detrimental to both the Forgiver and the Forgiven. Systemically speaking, we would call this being “too big,” arrogant or presumptuous, as it robs the perpetrator of responsibility, whether it was our parents or any other person who has done us perceived “harm.” It also disrespects the bigger fate and destiny of our whole ancestral line. In doing so, the “forgiver” attempts to elevate him or herself to the “top” of the whole hierarchical system, as if he or she was the creator of life itself — showing pity on these poor little subjects under his or her command. In reality, the most recent addition to any larger family system has no right to judge those who came before, as they are the newer members in the larger hierarchical framework known as a family. Sure we all have our opinions and feelings, and these are in no way meant to be negated, but if anyone truly wants to break the cycle of Perpetrator/Victim, “forgiveness” is NOT the way to do it. It is then the Victim who carries both energies, thereby hurting themselves with a heavier load of toxic baggage that enslaves them to the past.
ReSOULution
There is a way out, however, that is more simple, profound and completely healing, leading to a restoration of love, order and harmony for all concerned. This liberating state of “non-forgiveness” is simply called “ACCEPTANCE.” Can we be small enough and humble enough to acknowledge our place in the larger context of a multidimensional generation of forebears from whence we inherited our DNA? We received the Gift of Life through them despite their suffering and turmoil. This dualistic condition in which we are living provides wonder and horror equally. The key is to honor and accept life itself AS IT IS. This action of accepting imperfection (even the living dynamics of catastrophic change) will lead us back to our inner and outer harmony, providing us with dignity and strength. These qualities will only help us accept the gifts and challenges equally that life continually seems to toss in our path. It is the ACCEPTANCE of everything “as it is,” from our families to our human history, that releases us all from the chains of the past and points us toward a better tomorrow.
Just as the arrogance of “forgiveness” weakens us, the humility of “acceptance” empowers us. It is ours to decide which feels best and does the most good. Always remember, we did not create the cycle of life. We are merely participants, and our day in the Sun lasts for a very short time.
This is our chance to enjoy, transform and better ourselves and our children, just as those who came before did for us, whether we know it or not. Taking our rightful place as the smallest member of the family system allows us to evolve into something great. Honor and gratitude, along with ACCEPTANCE, breaks the cycle of slavery to which Forgiveness binds us. Our ACCEPTANCE of life AS IT IS, along with accepting our parents AS THEY ARE and our larger family system AS IT WAS, relieves us of our self-appointed role as judge and jury. To remain neutral without judgments also leads us to accept the good things we inherited more deeply. By letting those who wronged or hurt us own their own Perpetrator/Victim energy, we release ourselves from the entanglement and let the fate and responsibility rest where it belongs — with them.
This isn’t about blame or shaming others for the choices they made. It is about honoring our own part in it and the acknowledgement that with acceptance comes release. Life seems to be inherently good, as everyone who shares life has always tried to follow his or her good conscience to the best of their ability. Often such incidents occurred in a place and time pre-dating your own creation and admission into the family system — and which, on the deepest of levels, was probably agreed to all along. Accepting these simple truths will free you and strengthen your resolve without any need to “FORGIVE.” Bow Down in thankfulness & gratitude as you ACCEPT your life as a Gift that was Given.

]]> Comment on When We Choose to Leave by Deborah Donndelinger http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/when-we-choose-to-leave#comment-42 Deborah Donndelinger Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:26:21 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.info/?p=338#comment-42 Hey Natalia ... If you ever get to go to a Family Constellations workshop, I highly recommend it. There are facilitators all over the place running them. It's a life changing experience. And there are definite themes that show up related to different countries. Quite humbling to see the fates of different countries ... Hey Natalia … If you ever get to go to a Family Constellations workshop, I highly recommend it. There are facilitators all over the place running them. It’s a life changing experience. And there are definite themes that show up related to different countries. Quite humbling to see the fates of different countries …

]]> Comment on Family Energetics Article Published by Gary Craig in EFT Newsletter 2010 by Deborah Donndelinger http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/family-energetics-article-published-by-gary-craig-in-eft-newsletter#comment-41 Deborah Donndelinger Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:21:41 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.info/?p=403#comment-41 I trained with Susan and John Upfelder of Hellinger Institute of D.C.. I trained with them in 2009 after attending workshops regularly for several years. I also continue to attend constellation workshops regularly as a participant. However, I don't consider myself a f.c. facilitator - I consider myself an EFT practitioner who uses F.C. concepts and theory and healing concepts. Can I ask why do you ask? Are you interested in studying yourself or are you concerned I don't know what I'm talking about? Or something else? I trained with Susan and John Upfelder of Hellinger Institute of D.C.. I trained with them in 2009 after attending workshops regularly for several years. I also continue to attend constellation workshops regularly as a participant. However, I don’t consider myself a f.c. facilitator – I consider myself an EFT practitioner who uses F.C. concepts and theory and healing concepts. Can I ask why do you ask? Are you interested in studying yourself or are you concerned I don’t know what I’m talking about? Or something else?

]]> Comment on Family Energetics Article Published by Gary Craig in EFT Newsletter 2010 by Soon Lee http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/family-energetics-article-published-by-gary-craig-in-eft-newsletter#comment-40 Soon Lee Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:59:43 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.info/?p=403#comment-40 Dear Deborah, I'm curious about your family constellation training. Who did you train with and how many year's experience do you have being a facilitator? Dear Deborah,

I’m curious about your family constellation training. Who did you train with and how many year’s experience do you have being a facilitator?

]]> Comment on When We Choose to Leave by Natalia Erehnah http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/when-we-choose-to-leave#comment-39 Natalia Erehnah Thu, 15 Dec 2011 04:57:17 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.info/?p=338#comment-39 I've often wondered why I was born Ukrainian. Some things I've thought about: Why is there no work in Ukrainian for fun? Why was the country almost always occupied by another? I hope to explore my roots with Family Energetics one day. I’ve often wondered why I was born Ukrainian. Some things I’ve thought about: Why is there no work in Ukrainian for fun? Why was the country almost always occupied by another?

I hope to explore my roots with Family Energetics one day.

]]> Comment on How do I use EFT? by Janice http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/how-do-i-use-eft#comment-34 Janice Mon, 05 Dec 2011 01:02:33 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/?p=545#comment-34 I tap on my computer when I receive the newsletters and tapping advice e-mails like yours by doing the tap-a -longs, also on "you tube" eft videos, I reckon I can get borrowing benefits that way. I tap on my computer when I receive the newsletters and tapping advice e-mails like yours by doing the tap-a -longs, also on “you tube” eft videos, I reckon I can get borrowing benefits that way.

]]> Comment on How do I use EFT? by Dan Shafer http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/how-do-i-use-eft#comment-33 Dan Shafer Mon, 05 Dec 2011 00:32:25 +0000 http://www.eftwithdeborah.com/?p=545#comment-33 I found your observations delightful and valuable. The notion of praying without ceasing is one that I believe must ultimately be at the core of every spiritual practice. The things we do that punctuate our lives with spiritual thought and meditation are the glue that hold the rest of life together. I start my coaching sessions with a period of 2-5 minutes of eyes-closed silence. During that time, I tap for clarity, focus, ease and grace in the coming discussion and for an energetic field of acceptance and love to surround me and my client. I am confident that doing so is one of the reasons I enjoy such success helping people find and pursue their own spiritual paths. I found your observations delightful and valuable. The notion of praying without ceasing is one that I believe must ultimately be at the core of every spiritual practice. The things we do that punctuate our lives with spiritual thought and meditation are the glue that hold the rest of life together.

I start my coaching sessions with a period of 2-5 minutes of eyes-closed silence. During that time, I tap for clarity, focus, ease and grace in the coming discussion and for an energetic field of acceptance and love to surround me and my client. I am confident that doing so is one of the reasons I enjoy such success helping people find and pursue their own spiritual paths.

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